“Please just say it. Tell me you love me too.”
Addie searched Matt’s green eyes for a glint of reciprocation, any warmth of thought. She only saw a reflection of herself.
Matt ran his hands through his brown hair, pushing the curls back. Body posture screamed discomfort. A huge sigh, eyes closed, until he raised his head and focused on her. Reaching over he touched her pale cheek and softly caressed the skin until a pink hue emerged.
“Addie, you know I care about you. More than anything in this world, right?” Matt’s words were gentle and caring as they left his lips.
“I do,” Addie nodded.
He looked deep into her eyes, a brilliant blue that anyone else would confuse for stones. There was so much to say, and little time to sort it out.
“It’s just, you know, I have a hard time expressing myself with that word. Didn’t really have any great experiences growing up to show me.”
He saw the wind leave Addie’s sails, the tears form and slowly drizzle down her pale cheeks. Hurting her crushed his soul and he wished he could just scream out his love, use the actual word to say it. The convent had lacked the kind of nurturing environment where you felt enveloped in happiness. All Matt received was loneliness and sorrow until they abandoned him.
Addie gave him a soft smile. It devoured his spirit how she could so easily move from sadness to a warm heart. It was her greatest quality and the reason he cared about her. As she took his hand into hers, the soft flesh against his calloused fingers, she leaned in and kissed his cheek. It eased the pain brewing within, the sorrow at causing such hurtful disappointment in the woman he wanted to spend eternity. The timing was brutal.
“I know you love me Matthew McTavish. Deep inside I know you do. I hoped before you left you could finally say it. Maybe our time apart will help heal all the pain lurking inside.”
Addie’s words comforted his ailing mind. He had thought about running away, bringing her with him. A masterpiece of intensity with broad brush strokes. The image felt like it could be real. Then the colors faded and the paint ran into a muddled pool until all that remained was a black canvas. Running away made his less of a man. How could he reject his home and the people who gave him a new life?
The glen had been a breath of fresh air. His own croft and sheep to tend, crops that thrived and fed the village. He never imagined he would have such riches. Owning possessions for the first time and responsibilities to provide for and nurture life. A gift he didn’t deserve as a man who had no family or worth to his name.
Matt could not have believed saving Addie would provide such intimate reward. That fateful day seeing a young woman, hair glistening red in the sun, playful with a young deer drinking water. The misstep along the river bank, the tumble into the frigid darkness. Hunting for food, he jumped from his perch atop the rocks, heart racing as he ran and dove into the fast-moving current. Four fast strokes and she was in his arms, semi-consciousness, her face angelic. The beauty breathtaking beyond words.
Addie smiled as she came to, disoriented at first. She had seen the forest ghost before, but never knew the man behind the shadow. A sprained ankle prevented her from walking so Matt carried her home. Her father, the local elder and magistrate, was grateful for her safe return. As payment, the old weathered and broken croft for Matt to call his home.
Days turned into weeks and years, a chance encountered blossoming into a friendship and then more. Time felt at a standstill when the young couple engaged in conversation and moments together for walks and hikes through the glen and hills. Lustrous green lands that begged to be rediscovered and cherished. If only those precious minutes and hours had an eternity, but the world interjected and life as they knew it would never be the same.
As the war raged on and all able-bodied men found themselves conscripted to service, Matt’s time with Addie, once a matter of convenience and proximity, became a hastened desire to grasp everyday as if it would be the last. The fateful day arrived, and so much was left to be said.
Matt sighed, his heart heavy, his words jumbled like a puzzle missing the final critical piece. “I wish this wasn’t goodbye and it’s not. It’s until my return, soon I hope.”
Addie smiled, salty tears falling one after another. “Not goodbye. Just a long holiday apart.”
He had to contain a laugh. A heartfelt shot at making light of a dismal situation. “A long holiday indeed. Though I assume the lodgings and food won’t quite be the grand accommodations or faire I’m used to around here.”
The train whistle interrupted the moment. It was time to depart. Matt pulled Addie close, taking her hands within his. Gazing once more into her eyes, he searched himself for the right way to convey his emotions. Seeing what he was trying to do, Addie touched his lips with her finger, a gesture to keep him from saying anything he didn’t mean.
“When you are ready, you tell me. I know you feel it like I do. Words are like butterflies; they come and go. But love can be everlasting and permanent. You are my rock, my knight. My Love.” The warmth of her grin made his cheeks red, and at that moment it rose from the abyss to surface.
Matt managed his own smile in return. Addie was a breath of fresh air. He prayed one day he could find all the words inside to tell her how he truly felt, that he survived the journey to return home.
“I love you.”
Jason McDonald 